Today we’d like to introduce you to Jordan Braxton.
Hi Jordan, can you start by introducing yourself? We’d love to learn more about how you got to where you are today?
It all started so innocently in September of 2012 when a friend said he was giving me Botox treatments for my 52nd birthday. I was elated!! 1) Because getting old is the #1 Homosexual Sin and 2) I’m vain! I own it! He tells me that he has scheduled an appointment for me with Dr. Teresa Knight of the St. Louis Women’s Health Clinic. So, we get to Dr. Knight’s office and we are escorted in the examine room. The Botox and needles are all laid out on the little silver equipment tray. Dr. Knight comes in. I get all giggly and say to Dr. Knight “Shoot me up doc! Shoot me up! Well Dr. Knight pushed me back by my forehead and said that the jig was up. It was a ruse to get me into her office to talk about weight loss. I was like “What you are talking about doc?” She said that my friend was concerned about my weight and wanted her to talk to me about a new weight-loss program called Medi-fast. As we all know blood work was required before starting any weight-loss program. So, she took my blood and said she would be in touch.
Well, a few days later she called and said there was something abnormal in my blood work and she wanted me to come back in a get more blood drawn. She wanted to do some additional testing. I was like “OMG!!! I’m dying!” She was like, “No Queen! You’re fine!” “Just come in and give me come blood.” So, I go back to Dr. Knight and she draws six vials of blood. I’m like “Dang how much blood you need! What Kind of test you are doing!” She told me to come back to see her in a few weeks.
After an agonizing two-week wait, I go back to see Dr. Knight. She comes in the exam room, I’m sitting on that god awful chaise or whatever that thing is called with the paper that sticks to everything, and she sits next to me on a rolling stool. She rolls over and she has my file in her hand and she delivers this news “Well my friend I did a Karyotype on you and your blood work indicates that your chromosomes are male, and your hormones are female. Your primary and secondary sexual characteristics are opposite. Dead silence. In my mind, I was thinking “What she just says. I think a need a shot of Southern Comfort to get through this. Dr. Knight broke this pregnant pause by adding “Clinically you are classified as a pseudo-hermaphrodite. She started talking and I just drifted off into Never Neverland trying to wrap my mind around what she just told me. Dr. Knight was still talking to me but all I heard was Wah Wah Wah. Ya know like Charlie Brown’s teacher, Mrs. Donovan Then I heard her say “But we use the term – Intersex.” Ding! I was suddenly snapped back to reality like an OD on Narcan. I had heard that term before. I do pride myself on being up on the current letters in our queer alphabet soup. Intersex people are individuals born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones or genitals that do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies. In laymen’s terms, Intersex individuals are not 100% female or male. She told me that most men have testosterone levels of 800 to 1200 and that my results indicated my testosterone level was 0.01. Basically, I had no testosterone.
As if that wasn’t enough Dr. Knight uttered “wait there’s more” “There’s more?!?!” Like in the movie Death Becomes Her when Meryl Streep drinks the magic potion and Isabella Mussolini said, “There’s a warning and Meryl says, “Now a warning!” – Then Dr. Knight says, “You’re in menopause.” Dead silence again. Then I break the silence by saying “How is that possible. I don’t have a vagina.” Dr. Knight launched into another medical dissertation which again I stopped listening to because I was too busy trying to process this new information. In short, at some point in my life my body stopped producing testosterone, didn’t produce estrogen and I never fully went through puberty. And because of my age and diminished and unevenly changing levels of hormones (estrogen) in my body, I’ve been thrown into menopause. I learned that day that you don’t have to have a vagina to be in menopause.
I started on hormone replacement therapy which means I would soon start puberty. Therefore, I went through menopause and puberty at the same time. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
My Intersex Diagnosis was a blessing and a curse.
A blessing because it allowed all the pieces of the puzzle to fit together and finally make sense. My questions were answered, and I felt relieved. It made everything clear. I never have once in my life felt masculine. I’ve always felt feminine.
On the flip side, my Intersex diagnosis was a curse because I have a new identity that people don’t know about or understand. Not my family, not my friends, not my community, not society. Not even me. I always knew I was gay, but I had no idea I was Intersex. I didn’t know how to explain being Intersex. I went to the Internet looking for answers.
So, with all this information stored in my head I decided that I would keep my newly found Intersex Diagnosis to myself. I didn’t want to be shamed, ridiculed, or rejected by family, friends, and community. I would take this on to glory with me when Gabriel blew his horn.
After days of depression mixed with anxiety, I told some of my inner circle tribe about my Intersex Diagnosis. They were just as surprised as I was and very supportive. I was relieved. However, they said I should tell people. I did start opening up and discussing my being Intersex with community members and friends, but I refused to tell my family. I didn’t want to be ostracized by them.
Many people asked my if I was going to Transition since I was Intersex. My researched pointed out that there is a strong bond between Intersex and Transgender people. Intersex and Trans people are common allies in a struggle against the worldview of the gender binary where sex is equivalent to gender and any violation of the sex/gender binary is a sin. While some Intersex people do identify as Transgender, most do not. However, some Intersex people do transition at one point in their life. But then I made this declaration to my friends “However, at this point in my life, I have no desire to Transition. I like being Leon. But who knows what tomorrow brings?”
Let’s fast forward 6 months after being on HRT and going through puberty. All I can say is that it worked fast. I grew hips, breasts, and a butt. My female shape appeared almost overnight. I lost a considerable amount of weight due to my body and mind finally being in sync. They were finally on the same page.
During that period of dueling puberty and menopause I was not the most pleasant person to be around. One minute I love you, the next minute I hated you and didn’t want you to touch me.
Hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings were my constant companions. I was a total B. Eventually, it all leveled out so that I wasn’t that unbalanced, and I maintained my regiment.
Fast forward again to the summer of 2019, On June 20th day I proclaimed to my good Trans sister Christa Lou that I wanted to wear a skirt to PrideFest 2019. She asked me where did that come from. I told her I had not a clue, I just had this burning desire to wear a skirt to Pride and I was going to do it. Well, she ok and off to Lane Bryant we went. I found a cute skirt there and then decided I need cargo shorts to carry all my stuff in. I needed pockets. So, the only place that possibly carried cargo shorts was the Big and Tall Men’ store across the mall. So away we went.
We get to the front door of the Big and Tall store and I couldn’t open the door. Christa ran into the back of me and then asked if they were closed. I’m said no that I couldn’t raise my arms to open the door. She was like what? Did you have a stroke? Are you paralyzed? What’s wrong? I was like I can’t open the door. She said move, I’ll open the door. Christa opened the door, and we went in. We were met by a very nice saleslady who asked if we needed help finding anything. I said no that we were looking for a birthday present for my brother. Christa was like where in the heck did that come from. I was like I don’t know. It just came out of my mouth. I have no explanation. We started looking around the store for cargo shorts. I started getting hot and sweating a little. I asked Christa was it hot in here. She said no. So, I started looking around the store and stumbled upon a table that was full of neckties. I looked down and realized that I had every tie on that table. I looked up at the half mannequin and it was wearing the most beautiful blue with purple windowpane strips suit that I had ever seen. Suddenly, I started shaking, sweating, and getting dry mouth. I yelled to Christa that I got to get out of here and bolted for the door. Christa chased after me asking what the hell is wrong!
We got to the car and Christa was like what is wrong with you? I uttered through tears. I miss him and can’t go back. I’ve gone to far and I can’t go back. I must move forward. Christa was like forward with what. I screamed, “I want to transition!” then broke into the ugly cry. I mean the Oprah ugly cry. Crocodile tears, snot, shortness of breath, the works. Christa shouted, “Finally!” and then hit me on the shoulder. You finally said the word out loud. Still crying, I said Yes.
I finally said out loud that I wanted to transition. That was the first time I had openly said the word “Transition” I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. For years I had suppressed my desire to want to transition. Now it was all out in the open. It took a Man’s clothing store, table of ties, and a suit to trigger my emotional breakthrough. I was ready to move forward. My soul had been soothed.
I proudly wore my skirt to PrideFest that year. And felt very comfortable in it. I didn’t care what anyone thought. But I still didn’t transition.
So, the morning of Transgender Day of Remembrance 2019, getting out of the shower, I got a glimpse of myself in my full-length bathroom mirror. I was like Who’s that girl. Wait that’s me! Shut up!! I look really good! So, I wrapped a towel around me, looked in the mirror and said ok mother nature you win. I give up. Yes, I want to Transition. Right then and there, I had a come to Jesus meeting with myself. I finally had the courage to look at myself and say those words. I. Want. To. Transition. I had accepted myself.
Trans people have to come out three times: Socially, Medically, and Professionally. Socially -That morning I went on Facebook and announced that I am transitioning. Everyone congratulated me but no one was surprised. Professionally – I put on makeup and hair and went to work and told them I was transitioning. I didn’t consult my boss. I didn’t consult HR. I just did it! And I told them to please refer to me as Leigh until I figure out my actual name. I’ll talk about my name struggle later. Everyone congratulated me but again no one was surprised. Medically – It kind of had already happened. I was already taking Estrogen. I have no testosterone, so I don’t need any testosterone blockers, and I really didn’t need Progesterone for breast development because that had already happened as well.
I didn’t have to hide anymore. I had come out to my family, my friends, my job, my community and most importantly myself. I could live openly and unapologetically. No fear of ridicule, shame, or family abandonment.
Every day that I get up in the morning, put on my make-up, grab a wig out of the closet, put on my clothes, go out the front door, I live my truth. Not giving a damn what people think. I have the power!
Today, by taking you on my journey from Leon To Jordan, I hope you learned and can see that humans are complex and that you can’t judge a book by its cover. Also, one person can embody sex, gender, sexual orientation, pronouns, and name change.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
The only obstacles/challenges I had to overcome was my own self-doubt. You see all my life, I knew that I wanted to be a girl. I never was masculine or wanted to do masculine things. I was forced to play basketball by my family cause in the 70s that what African American males did, we played basketball. I could outplay any of the boys in the neighborhood and in my family. However, that is not what I wanted to do. I wanted to play tennis. I love tennis. I loved watching Chris Evert play. I was her biggest fan. I dreamed of wearing a tennis skirt and being on the court with her. However, I was told “Black people don’t play tennis. Now got outside and play basketball!”
In high school, I was a cheerleader much to the dismay of my family. But I didn’t care. That’s what I wanted to do.
I started doing drag because I thought it would be the best and easiest way to wear women’s clothes without being called a freak. Yes, I knew there were Transvestites and Transsexuals but I just wanted to be a girl. So I became Dieta Pepsi and lived out my female life through her.
As I stated in my story, I just decided one day to transition and that’s exactly what I did. I had finally had enough of hiding who I was. I am a Black Trans Woman. I live my life open, authentically, and unapologetically. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
My job/passion is working in the field of Infectious Diseases. I’m a Prevention Supervisor at Vivent Health. I oversee a staff of Prevention Specialists that do outreach and education for the prevention of the spread of HIV and STIs. Our priority populations are Men who have sex with men (Gay, Bisexual, Trans Masculine, and Same gender-loving men) who are Black/Hispanic. I also work to break down the stigma and myths surrounding those living with and affected by HIV. I believe those living with HIV should be treated with dignity and respect. Also, to provide education to humans that stress their sexual health is just as important as their general health and how they are related and intertwined.
My community passion is making sure members of the STL LGBTQIA+ community are treated with dignity and respect and have basic human rights. That includes home, employment, education, food, medical assistance, etc. Especially in the Intersex and Transgender communities. I do education and outreach to businesses, schools, hospitals, nursing schools, corporations and churches concerning diversity and gender-expansive terminology. I also speak at rallies and marches such as BLM, Domestic Violence, and Woman’s Rights. I have been an activist and educator in the STL LGBTQIA+ community for over 30 years.
So, before we go, how can our readers or others connect or collaborate with you? How can they support you?
I am supported in my journey by my blood family and my chosen family. Both families are there to listen when I need a shoulder to cry on or to share some amazing news. I feel unconditional love from both of my families.
When I first started by transition, I attended a Trans female support at Metro Trans Umbrella Group (MTUG). It was so wonderful to hear the stories of other Trans women. The women in that group supported me wholeheartedly.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: Dieta_pepsi
- Facebook: Jordan Elizabeth Braxton
Image Credits
Library photo – Dean Fults. All other photos – self taken
