Today we’d like to introduce you to Cynthia Williams, Lcsw
Hi Cynthia, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
I was married to my best friend, Matthew “Joe” Williams for 16 years. He was a servant hearted husband and father, hard worker, and my strength when I thought I couldn’t get through something. On March 16, 2013, I was out of town for the weekend with a friend, when my husband passed away in his sleep from undiagnosed heart disease. He was the picture of health, and we were all shocked and devastated. I went from getting ready that morning to driving 6.5 hours back home to my babies, then 8, 12, and 16 years old, to planning a funeral, to 6 hours of hugs and condolences, to the front pew of his funeral. Nora McInerny says in her TED talk “grief isn’t fatal, but it feels like it could be.” No truer words could describe my early grief. The pain was like nothing I had ever imagined. I was surprised every day that I woke up and somehow survived such intense unrelenting pain. Everyone said how strong I was, but I just thought “What choice do I have?” I tried to find support, but most widow and widower groups were made up of more traditional aged widows, and at 38 years old, it just made me feel even more alone. I had to find a way to keep going, and I would hear Joe’s voice in my head saying “God’s got this” or “You’re stronger than you think you are.” and it would give me the strength to push myself one moment, one hour, one day further than I thought I could. My children were my anchor at first. Caring for them and trying to help care for their grief became my mission. The first few years were exhausting as I completed my BSW and MSW, then earned my LCSW, a journey I began before losing Joe and completed to make him and my children proud. I graduated from St Louis University summa cum laude, and began working in hospice, supporting families facing end of life. I began to heal and actually believe what Joe believed of me, and after years of encouragement from friends and family, I launched a widows group in my community, affiliated with a national widows organization. The movement was sparked by me and Destiny Klimaszewski, the first young widow I had met, and the widow who would eventually step out in faith with me to build the community we desperately had needed in our own early grief. Between November 2019 and today, we grew to almost 1,000 local widows of all backgrounds, ages and places in life learning together to move forward in our grief to begin to live again instead of just surviving. This month Destiny and I, along with Lisa Waltrip, LPC and Gina Schuster, LCSW officially launched a brand new 501c3 organization, StL C.R.E.W. – Connect, Recreate and Empower Widows, to focus our fundraising and support to local widows in and around our community! We are a widows (female) only community serving women who planned forever with their person but never got the chance to live out those dreams. Together, with a mentorship model of support we encourage each other in moving forward (not moving on) from our loss, recreating a life we love after the one we planned was taken from us too soon, and empowering widows through community/social support, special events and celebrations each year, retreats, and an annual holiday party and holiday “adoptions” to make widows and their children’s holidays a little less painful to face.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
It has been an incredibly cathartic experience to “lead” others in their grief as I also continue to heal. The greatest struggle in this journey has been helping others understand a widow’s perspective. Even after all these years of advocating for widows, people will sometimes ask, “How long do you think you’ll stay involved with the widow’s group?” My response is that I will forever be a widow, even after marrying my husband David December 2023, I am the wife he loves because I loved and was loved by Joe. Everyday after March 16, 2013 has been an effort to balance mixed emotions. My wedding day last year felt like a fairytale, but it’s only possible because my last fairytale ended for Joe before my story ended. We say often in our group “Thank God they don’t understand” when we talk about the insensitive and hurtful things others have said. If you want to support one of the more than 11 million US widows, or 258 million of us worldwide, all you need is a heart of humility to hear our perspective and experience without judgment, without trying to tell us what we should do to be happy. We will get there, but there is no timeline, and certainly not one or two years as many say.
We’ve been impressed with StL C.R.E.W. – Connect, Recreate and Empower Widows, but for folks who might not be as familiar, what can you share with them about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
This 501c3 organization was created to support widows in and around St Louis. We hold a monthly luncheon in St Peters, where Shamrock’s Pub & Grill has held a meeting room for us for the past few years. We have always been committed to not charging dues or allowing financial barriers to keep widows from taking advantage of the support we offer. So, once per year we have a large fundraiser to support the majority of the following years outreach. This community has shown us again and again that they care about widows, and it never ceases to amaze me. We are so grateful to each and every person, friend, family member, business and organization that has allowed us to reach so many hurting widows the past 5 years and we are excited to see what the future holds as a new local non-profit!
Alright so before we go can you talk to us a bit about how people can work with you, collaborate with you or support you?
You can reach me at jcnnjwill97@gmail.com to discuss ways you can support us. Right now, in addition to general donations, we are hoping for someone to volunteer their time to help us create a website that can accept gifts, and communicate about our group and the impact it has on our community. We are looking for business, such as electricians, plumbers, car repair, home repairs, etc to partner with us so we can find the help we need and know we can afford it and trust we will be safely and fairly taken care of. Many widows are left with major income deficits and no knowledge of home upkeep. Many lose their homes for financial reasons or because they can’t afford to keep up with the maintenance.
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