Today, we’d like to introduce you to Elizabeth Lockhart. Elizabeth was introduced to us by the brilliant and talented Aloha Kelly.
Hi Elizabeth, we’re so thrilled to have you sharing your story with us today. Maybe we can kick things off by having you introduce yourself to our readers? We’d love to have you go into your story and how you got to where you are today.
I’ll try to make this flow as much as possible without too much boring detail because I am more of a “bullet point” than a writer. My parents were in high school when I was born, not shockingly that marriage didn’t last long. While my dad was in the picture, I was largely raised by a single mother, a baby raising a baby. We were very lower middle class at best, mom worked two jobs to get us by and I played a large hand in raising my younger brother (I joke that he owes me decades of Mother’s Day cards). There was a lot of fighting between mom and dad and I was often caught in the middle (core memory: mom sitting on the edge of the bed sobbing asking me to tell dad we needed money from him).
I was afforded the opportunity to attend catholic school in part due to my grandparents and to my mom working all the events in the concession stand or in whatever way they needed her. Then in high school I was in work study, I got to clean the school after hours to fund a portion of my tuition. (Going through an old yearbook I found that they had a group picture of us all, like who thought that was a good idea, “these are the kids that can’t afford to be here and scrub your toilets for you”).
I’ll fast forward a bit, I was sick and no one recognized it. Mental illness wasn’t really diagnosed and certainly wasn’t spoken about. I mean, everyone has depression at some point and kids/teens “go through phases”. Well after a suicide attempt and lengthy stay in the hospital followed by doctors appointments and therapy, I was found to have bipolar disorder, not to be mistaken with the term “I am bipolar”, because I am more than my illness. I can’t even begin to fully describe to you what the stigma of mental illness looks like. I basically crawled into a hole because people would pass me in the halls or at lunch and whisper “that’s the crazy girl”. I didn’t realize it then, but this is what fueled the person I am today.
As with many people with SMI (serious mental illness), I went through phases where I would stop taking medication thinking that I was better now, why do I even need that anymore. This resulted in risk taking behaviors, substance abuse, and being in “relationships” with people that that took advantage of the “party girl” who would do anything to feel the something I was missing. I lost my self, I had no sense of self worth, and I let myself go both physically and mentally.
Let’s talk about your work and career – what else should we know?
After many failed attempts at taking college courses and working many male oriented, dead end jobs where I was very much sexualized, I said F it and chose to go to nursing school. Everyone thought I was joking as my hardened outer shell showed very little empathy at the time because I found it to be a weakness. I knew going into nursing school that I wanted to work psychiatric-mental health. Everyone, and I literally mean every nurse I knew or met, told me “good luck” or “more power to you, I couldn’t do it”. This just fueled my desire more because that is me, I am the mental health patient and there is such a need for those that truly care for this population. Fast forward, I knew I was meant for more than bedside nursing. While the work is fulfilling to an extent, you don’t really get to help in the long run. At the hospital you stabilize and refer out. This led me to pursue a DNP with a psychiatric-mental health specialty. I am now a psychiatric-mental health nurse practitioner. I knew I wanted to work with an underserved population and looked for positions at nonprofit organizations, I currently work with those with mental illness and co-occurring substance use disorders. This population carries not only the stigma of addiction, but add mental illness to it and they are stigmatized and marginalized to the max. There is so much trauma and SMI that is overlooked because society writes these patients off and “just addicts”. I get to dig deeper and help my patients understand the possible roots that fuel their addiction. I get to treat the untreated and overlooked. It is incredibly unfortunate, but I often hear that I am the first “doctor” that actually listens and wants to help. Is it hard, yes, not everyone wants to hear it, not everyone is truly ready to leave addiction or believe they have mental illness and there are a lot of patients I never see again after the initial visit. However, the portion of the population I am having a positive effect on makes the discouragement worth it.
Aloha Kelly and Love Exposed Boudoir have been great to us and I know you’ve got a great relationship with them as well. Maybe you can tell our audience a bit about Aloha Kelly and Love Exposed Boudoir and your experience with them.
Gosh, I could talk about my journey with Aloha and Love Exposed Boudoir for days so I’ll try and keep it a brief as possible.
As I previously mentioned, I lost myself long the way. When I looked in the mirror I hated everything that I saw, both physically and mentally. I was part of this FB group called Love Exposed. I had lurked in the background for years, but found myself needing some kind of connection so became more vocal. I ended up winning a session at one of the lowest points in my life, literally days after a planned suicide attempt (thankfully that didn’t go as planned).
I was a nervous wreck the day of my session, after seeing all the beautiful women posted in the group. I just knew I wasn’t meant to be there because I would be made fun of. However, I gathered every bit of courage I could muster and went anyway. The experience was so much more than I expected. I wasn’t just getting pictures taken, I was being told how beautiful I was, there were people there just watching and hyping me up, I felt like “someone”.
After the photos were taken, it was time to go through and pick my favorites to be put into print. Even after feeling like an actual model from all the hype girls, I was so worried I wouldn’t like any of them because of how I looked. Shockingly, I needed help narrowing them down because all I could think is, damn, is that really me. I saw a different version of myself than I see in the mirror. I saw beauty, strength, and confidence I didn’t know I had (I may or may not have teared up a little). It was at that point that I knew I would need more.
Aloha and her team are so amazing to work with. I’ll admit that I still get the butterflies in my stomach before a session, mostly because my body has changed (and not for the better), but from the moment I walk through the studio or off site location doors all that self doubt washes away. Typically I am greeted by the hair and makeup artist, who has an amazing personality and makes me feel at home right away. While she is the artist, you get to pick your style. She can give you a bold and powerful flair you would never do yourself or a more neutral and natural look, either way your natural beauty is highlighted.
Then the part people dread the most, posing. How do I know what to do? I’m awkward, my facial expressions are unattractive. No worries, they have you covered, Aloha or a team member walk you through each pose and if they are trying something you are uncomfortable with, they change it up, but the important part is that they choose poses and positions that again, highlight your natural beauty.
I have done over 20 session with Aloha and her team with many more scheduled. I couldn’t imagine going anywhere else because I am not treated as a number, I am a person who is special and celebrated by her and her team. Knowing that my self-perception is their number one priority makes all the difference. Love Exposed Boudoir has played a pivotal part in my journey of self love and acceptance. They have have shown me that I am more than my physical appearance (which by the way they have made me love and appreciate even through the changes I despise), but I am also strong, I am empowered, and I am worthy. You might ask yourself, how can a photograph make you feel those emotions. Aloha and her team capture the real you, in putting you at easy, your personality shines through the facade you may show the world.
I joke that my favorite part of my session is that I get eyebrows (mine are pretty translucent) but in reality I look forward to being treated like a superstar. I look forward to the goofy behind the scenes moments that put me at ease. And I look forward to seeing the me that other people see even when I don’t.
If I haven’t already convinced you the Aloha and Love Exposed Boudoir is the only place to pick for your boudoir experience, then I haven’t done a very good job in my explanation. To feel like you matter, you are powerful and amazing, and that you, in your own skin, are beautiful, I would only trust this team.
I wish I could share with you some of my favorite images, there are just too many amazing ones to narrow down to one. There are so many that bring out sides of me not typically shown, my femininity and softness. However, there are two I can think of that that stand out to me. One is a rooftop shot, I am wearing angle wings (amazing add on to a session), in a “power pose”, looking off into the distance. This image makes me feel fierce and able to take on the world, but also contemplative, assessing the world around me. The other is of me surrounded by “fire” (excellent lighting effect) where I am pulling my hair and screaming. This photo to me shows me letting go. Letting go insecurities, past traumas, and that which I cannot control.
Image Credits
Aloha Kelly – Love Exposed Boudoir
